The N-Virus


~With regards to Resident Evil and its T-Virus~

Virus:

The N-Virus (Nokia mobile phones).

Symptoms:

Hearing Nokia Original ringtones, memorizing phone model numbers, buying the newest release every two weeks or so to look cool , competitive behavior with co-workers/friends/family members/stangers to buy the newest models, appearance of the phone sets on every Arabic drama joined by its original ringtones, usage of Nokia accessories with other brand of mobile phones because they seem better, placing Nokia mobiles as standard to judge/review or even estimate price of other brands of mobile phones and buying Nokia phones just to blend in with others and to be socially “cool and normal”.

Victims:

Badu, Bedoon, Women, Children under the age of 21, ‘7damat, Ezee or Express service plan users, Mentally ill, Handicaps, People with low self esteem, Kuwawulah, 7abarbash, 3agad, Heelag, Syrians, Iranians, Filipinos, Unemployed, Loafers, Egyptians, Bangalis, Niggers and every cheap labor foreigner.

Background of the virus:

Nokia is planning to restore the viking empire by taking over the world through telecommunication-technology conquest. The evil professors and madmen at Nokia HQ are showering the mobile biz with random gadgets every two weeks, according to a long-term plan divined to them from the evil spirits of Valhalla. In order to do so, Nokia has teamed up with neo-conservative party in the White House, NATO and the European Union to lead a war of mobile conquest in the third world where the mind of every ignorant and nigger is blown away by Nokia products, while their lands are being invaded by the white man.

High points of the virus:

  • Low price sets.
  • User-friendly and available in third-world countries languages.
  • Doesn’t involve service plans.
  • Multiple releases with variant features to meet one’s need according to his set budget.
  • Simplified OS.
  • Low points of the virus:
  • Creating a bad name for European mobile brands.
  • Monopolizing regional markets through devilish marketing plans aimed at poor people with poor minds.
  • Targeting low classes of the society to popularize the brand (see Victims).
  • Repetitive features installed in almost every new release without any creative update.
  • The same OS over and over again.
  • Withholding the creation of the ultimate phone so not to hurt their other products.
  • Ignoring user feedback and opinion.
  • Abolishment of exclusive authorized dealer in regions create black market and unstable price range set by greedy phone shop owners and forcing the brand as part of the pop culture while it’s being totally despised due to the social status of the users (again, see Victims).

How to avoid/heal:

  • Ignore advice from close people about Nokia products.
  • Replace your contaminated Nokia set with any other brand ASAP.
  • Help others who are recovering from this virus by buying them other brand mobile sets as a “get well” gift.
  • Avoid direct contact with any of those listed in Victims section.
  • Go deaf when hearing Nokia ring tones.
  • Refer to Nokia sets always as ”Oh, that trash?”.
  • Change your service plan to monthly bill.
  • Buy all Nokia 2nd hand sets and burn them.
  • Go blind when seeing a Nokia Ad.
  • Pass the word and tell people about the Evil Nokia everywhere even during Friday prayer.
  • Support other brand products such as Samsung/Motorola/Alcatel/I-mate.
  • Finally just get a Sony Ericsson, they just kick fucking ass!!
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